Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
