Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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