you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
