You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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