I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
