i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
