So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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