Sponge bath it is.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
