He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
