I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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