I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
