It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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