She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
