I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
