ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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