john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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