My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can't put those talents on a resume
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
