PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
