I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm like, not good at living.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
