Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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