All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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