You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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