Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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