I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
