C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
