Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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