i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
