I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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