my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
