So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
