Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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