we have pet lesbian snakes
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
