Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
