theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
