Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
