Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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