We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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