He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
