he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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