barbara walters just said penis...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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