My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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