We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
