Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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