In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
