it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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