Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
