i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
