You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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