He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
