She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
