he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
a search helicopter?!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
