I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
