wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
