"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
