i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
