yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
