Your tits are I can't wait for
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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