I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
