Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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