Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
