Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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