Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
