im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
