did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
