she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
