I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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