Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
